Outside
by Gemzn
Summary: Ron's thoughts after leaving during Deathly Hallows. Ron/Hermione.


_Disclaimer: Characters and Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling, not me, no matter how much I want them to._

_A/N: This is my eighth published fanfic. Just a one shot based on the song 'Outside' by Staind. I hadn't originally intended to use this song, but it came on my ipod and instantly reminded me of when Ron left, and how he might have felt. _

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Ron pulled the blanket up to his chin and attempted to get comfortable. The blanket was rough to the touch and had the lingering smell of cat hair. Ron twisted in the bed, from his left side, to his right, and then onto his back. Sighing, Ron threw off the bed covers and walked over to the chair in the corner and pulled his jumper over his pyjamas. He picked up a spare pair of socks and pulled them on over the pair he had been wearing all day. It was snowing outside and the temperature inside the small pub bedroom had dropped. Ron rubbed his arm and could the feel goose bumps slowly retreat now he had more clothes on.

Instead of going back to the bed however, Ron grabbed the blanket, wrapped it around his shoulders and walked over to window. The snow was laying across the ground like a Christmas card. It reminded him of the Christmases he had spent at Hogwarts, snow fights with his siblings, Harry and Hermione. Hermione. Ron had gone a whole five minutes without thinking about her. Was she ok? Was she as cold as he was? Was Harry keeping her warm? Ron shook his head. He didn't really believe that Harry and Hermione could be...romantically involved...did he? He had admitted to himself that even without having the horcrux round his neck he felt insecure about the relationship between Harry and Hermione.

He could remember Hermione's voice in his head so clearly, calling out to him, begging him to stay...surely she cared? After he had disapperated out of the clearing Ron had fallen to his knees, her voice echoing in his head. Only she could bring him to his knees. He had knelt there for a while; he had felt his head clearing and immediately regretted his decision to leave. Would he ever find them again? Ron wrapped the blanket tighter around his shoulders and dragged the chair over to the window. He sat down and continued to stare out of the window. He would find them again. He had to.

Ron put his head in his hands, rubbed his face and ran his hand through his hair. Did Hermione really feel for Harry, as more than a friend? They had little moments between the two of them, and Ron just felt like an outsider, looking in, never really a part of it. Especially when they had gotten into their excited discussion about the sword of Gryffindor, as if he were not longer there. Hermione's tear stained face floated to the front of his mind. The last time he'd seen her. Calling out for him. He and Hermione had something that she and Harry didn't, he was sure of it. He could see through her, see her true colours, see the real Hermione. But it didn't add up. Why would she choose him over Harry Potter? He could taste what he could never have. Taste it yet not grasp it. And it was her.

Ron turned away from the window and cast his eyes around the gloomy room. He had spent a few days with Bill and Fleur at Shell Cottage, but decided that he had to get his arse in gear if he wanted to find his friends again. He had travelled to where they had been staying when he...when he had left. He guessed they would have already moved on and quickly realised that they were no longer there. He had found a scarf that he was sure belonged to Hermione, tied around a tree. As if she were sending him a message of some kind, a bread crumb trail. Said scarf was currently draped over the chair he was sat on. He had taken to wearing it under his coat during the day, but took it off to take a shower at the pub he was staying in, and forgot to put it back on. He found the smell that still lingered on the scarf comforted him.

Ron looked back out of the window to find the wind really picking up. He wished he could be back in the tent. If Hermione was cold he could offer her his jacket. He had tried showing her how he felt. A few days before he left he had been skimming stones onto the surface of a lake, when Hermione had asked him to teach her. He showed her how to find the best skimming stones and had 'accidently' brushed his hand over hers. Surely she knew that wasn't an accident? She was the brightest person he knew. Of course she couldn't skim the stones they had collected; she tried but really couldn't get the correct wrist movement. Insisting he show her the correct way to skim, he had stepped up behind her and gently took hold of her hand, the one that still held the pebble. He had placed his other hand lightly on her hip to try and get her into the correct stance to skim. Surely she knew? His ears had gone red and he heard her breathing hitch slightly. He'd moved her hand back and together they skimmed the stone.

But he had mucked it all up. He had left. He had tried to show her his intentions but he'd wasted so much time. He'd left, thinking his was saving his pride, when in fact he no longer had any. The first night at Bill and Fleur's he'd cried. It was a very manly cry, he had convinced himself, but he'd cried all the same. Ron stood up and walked back over to the bed.

He really should try and get some sleep; he was continuing his search tomorrow in the early morning. He pulled the covers up over his chest and looked up at the dark ceiling. He could feel the deep ache inside him attempting to take over, but he pushed it back down, as he had done so many times that week. If he let this overwhelm him he knew it would take longer to find them. To find her. He lay in bed for what seemed like hours, staring into space. Alone. Unable to mend his broken heart. But he knew he would be ok, because tomorrow he would find her. He would find her and tell her everything, and he would no longer be on the outside.

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_A/N - The bit about the scarf being tied around the tree was from the film :) i thought it was sweet and it fitted with my story. _

_ - The 'skimming Stones' scene was based on an interview by David Yates, were he spoke about a deleted scene that will be on the Deathly Hallows DVD extras. _'I did this wonderful scene, with Hermione and Ron, I wanted to explore their relationship a little bit more so that when Ron leaves, it really breaks your heart. And there was a scene we shot up in Scotland, there was a scene where Ron's showing Hermione how to throw a stone on the lake, and spin a stone on the lake, and Hermione's being really girly about it and rubbish and she's got a really rubbish throw and she has to insist that Ron show her exactly how to spin the stone and to sort of encourage tactility and physical contact, and it's a really funny, tender, moving scene_' – David Yates._


End file.
